Diary Entries Part 3

Sunday, December 13, 2004

It's 1:30 am. I'm at a PETRO truck stop 40 miles outside of Phoenix. I just spoke with my friend and lover Chrissy. She is my Austin Angel. She has conflict with the direction of our relationship. As it's been said, "It was too good to be true."

I have never before had a woman that I wanted to grow old with. She has been in numerous failed marriages. What went wrong? Only she and her exes will know.

Chrissy's plans upon moving to Austin were to enjoy a single life pursuing her passion for writing and finding herself. Somewhere in the move we fell, fell in love, fell in lust. We healed each other in different ways.

The timing may never be correct for us to grow old and die as each others soul mate. She wants independence, freedom from whatever spell has been cast over our relationship. I'm hurt, my heart feels drained. All that I have wanted has been dangled in front of me and now it has been put on hold. As a friend I must give her the space. Easy it will not be - HARD - is putting it mildly.

Two sociopaths on different journeys - strong willed! and gentle all at the same time. Mixed feelings overwhelm me, I want to cry, but the tears will not come.

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DON'T WANT HER IN ANOTHER MAN'S ARMS.

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Not fair for her or me.

Life sucks - guess this is the bad in the Good and Bad. The good will always be a happy memory.

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License - CDL

Back to playing music

Decide where to live other than a truck

Car/Insurance/Responsible Adult - No one said it would be easy.

Maybe it's all payback. I guess I'm not getting married. Oh well!

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The road trip has been good. Ian is a good lad, smart and quick to learn. Good taste in music and literature. God you have the answer, you have had it all along. I'm emotionally tired. Emotions are just not easy.

I'm tired and tomorrow will be busy...

It's all about unconditional love!