Diary Entries Part 9

Thursday, January 13, 2006

Arriving at the storage facility to load an empty trailer we found no one there. The arrival time was 8:30am. It's now 10:30am and no one has arrived to let us load our cargo. 

The day is beautiful. There is a chill in the air. 

Upon speaking with Austin it has become a bit clearer that she truly needs a male friend and I stress friend.

With herpes on her lip and her oldest son in harms way, balancing his life from going down the shitter, it is evident after speaking with her that she is spoiled, self-centered and immature. My rose-colored glasses are off. I see her in a different light. I feel sorry for her and want nothing, absolutely nothing from her. She is bitter, mad and guilt ridden and cannot maintain a relationship. My life has issues. Drug addiction has brought many of these on me. She has issues spawned from everyday life without drug addiction. I still feel a sense of wanted to help her, only from a financial view point. The rest is her own task.

I must get solvent in my world.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Outside of LA in the valley. Loading a small job, yippee! The business is slow. In three months it will be non-stop. The weather chilling with a crisp clean feel to it, beautiful God. Thanks.

I feel strong and positive, awake and confident. Hopeful and sure that I will maintain, keep and achieve my license.

• House
• Money
• SOBRIETY
• Job

It is a must! My 20's were my teens, my 30's my 20's. Ten years behind. Oh well. I must keep growing.

Well, the day progresses and with it we pick up small loads. Good and bad. I'm asking myself, why am I doing this job? Do I really like what I'm doing? Do I feel trapped?

Loaded- 4 hours/1000 cubic feet.

Checked my e-mail, sent some. Phoned Denver DMV. My license is good and can be reinstated. Now, I have to get a license. Hopefully soon, real soon. So much to do. So much to accomplish.

I'm feeling better in many respects. I need financial solvency. Money for me, and for others. I want to help the homeless, play music and heal. Tonight was a Mexican dinner. Artie and I were foreigners. Spanish was the language spoken, how I wish I was bi-lingual. I should have paid more attention in school.

I just spoke to a young woman named Kate. She was and is stranded at a Flying J on the California/Arizona border. 

Issues:

User

Abused by men

Delusional

and yet an angel at heart

I have no children, now I realize again the answers to why. God has given me another chance. A chance to provide help to those less fortunate. GOD - the cosmic energy of the universe. Help me survive. Heal me so that I may help others. It may be my purpose. Another sign, please?

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Another day comes into play. I'm realizing more about myself and my life each day. I believe I'm going to be OK. I'm being schooled and blessed. My role will be to help others. It is God's play. I must believe with all of my faith. I must trust in his plan and I must have hope for the plan as it develops.

I spoke with Austin. I must learn to listen between the words. I believe she is worried. I believe she may even miss me. Humans we are.

Uneventful day. I-10. I have traveled much, the scenery is beautiful. I rode, slept and that was about it. It was 3:00pm before we left the California/Arizona border. It was 3:00am when we arrived in El Paso, TX.