Diary Entries Part 10

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Morning - the skies are blue, the air is crisp and chilly. It' beautiful. I feel rested, relieved and content if that's possible. I have been praying. The angels are watching and God will answer my prayers in his time, not mine. Faith and hope are the keys.

My financial situation is a bust. I need at least 10 Gs to make all this OK. It would be a start. If the money does become available, I will correct things. Payback, helping others and most of all, giving to those in need. I'm working on getting my license back, my job, my sobriety, my financial outlook, housing, transportation. It all takes time, but time is running out. It has to happen soon. This year to be exact, then I must keep it.

Laughing is so good for the soul. Watching the movie The Replacements brought laughs and smiles to my soul. I guess it not all bad.

Evening has settled in. Artie is at max hours* for the day. We are parked 200 miles east of Dallas. We will not leave until midnight.

My feelings on life seem better. I'm managing. I ask myself if I am investment to Eagle or a burden. I guess both. It's up to me to see it through and decide which road to cruise.

Thinking of my blessings, I'm Clean and Sober, I'm healthy. I have worries that cannot be overcome at this time. Logic is with me. My faith is good and with a few more blessing, I just might make it.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Martin Luther King Day. I am north of Dallas. It's 9:30am. I'm waiting for Artie to wake up. He drove all night. He is not a morning person. I understand he is tired. The long miles on the road are wearing to a man's mind, body and soul. I have done this routine many times. It is not an easy road. The morning is beautiful. I have finished praying. I know he is listening and will be with me throughout the day.

"Always rainy days without you

I'm a prisoner of love without you

Yes it's true -

Deeply wide and blue

One special moment in your arms

It is worth a lifetime of love -

One special moment in your heart

Keeps my world from falling apart"

"I was standing

All alone against the world outside

You were searching

For a place to hide

Lost and loney

Now you've given me the will to survive

When we're hungry - love will keep us alive

Don't you worry

Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride

The world is changing

Right before your eyes

Now I've found you

There's no more emptiness in inside

When we're hungry...love will keep us alive"

The Eagles

I slept from Dallas to Arkansas. I'm without a book and the movies are old. I was haunted by Austin, haunted in my mind. The feeling left and hopefully it will not return. 

Who am I? Where am I? Why is all of this coming down?

I'm praying, where is my faith? Where is my hope and who do I love? So confused on a Monday.

Missing your touch

Missing your hair

Missing the way

I made you stare

It was you - you who really cared

You who took a chance

You who dared

Miles apart - yet there's an aching in my heart 

To make it right

To end a fight

Win a battle

And have you near

* DOT sets maximum hours a driver can be on the road at a stretch of time. Drivers must keep a log book.